It's hard to believe that we've been living in Arizona for over a month and a half. I only realized how long we've been here just now as I looked at my calendar to check the dates for this post. There are days when it seems like we just moved here yesterday. Some days I go about my normal activities and nothing seems to have changed all that much. And then there are other days when I try to push aside the fact that I'm living in Arizona permanently, and I somehow convince myself that this is just some long vacation. That we'll be back to the West Coast, and the second time around, I will appreciate everything just a bit more.I agree, it makes no sense, but my sentiments tend push rational to the wayside.
In reality, we may never go back, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. Arizona is nice and in time, I sure that I will be able to call it home with satisfaction and happiness. But for now, I'm stuck with a case of "the grass is greener" syndrome. You know the one where you never really appreciated what you had until it was gone? And the one where you forget all the things you complained about the moment you left? Ahhh, California. Land of beautiful coastlines and wineries. A place where almost every summer day is sunny, and where it rains just enough in the winter to make you think you experienced some cold weather. (Hardly.) Where diversity is everywhere you look and the sushi and Mexican food is divine. Where you feel special when you tell people you live in California (even whip out that California drivers license for more effect.) Where you're smack dab in middle of popular culture, either fame or tech (why, yes, I'd love to tour the Apple, facebook or Google studios this afternoon). California, where the houses are small and insanely expensive and the gap between the rich and poor is enormous. Where almost every city has some sort of smog alert, and it takes you 25 minutes to go 10 miles in rush hour traffic. Like most experiences in life, there are good and bad, pros and cons.
But there are other reasons why I feel a connection to California. It was where I had some of the best summers of my life working as a camp counselor, forming life-long bonds with some amazing people across the world.
It's where I eventually got my design career started after college and where I spent a year having two of the best roommates a girl could ask for in life.
It's where I met a boy, became engaged and got married to him. And spent a weekend in bliss among family and friends. A day in California I'll never forget and always keep close to my heart because of the people who flew out to celebrate with us.
California is where we found out we were pregnant three months after we were married and eight months later, this beautiful girl came into our lives.
Countless memories were made in that state. And so I here I am, in Arizona, only thinking about the perfect parts of California.Yet, I'm pretty sure one of the underlying reasons for my nostalgia (other than the points mentioned above) isn't necessarily because I loved California so much, though I did like it a lot. (And I mean
a lot.) In fact, when I did live there, I often ached to move back to Minnesota. (See, "the grass is always greener" syndrome.) I long for California because I very much dislike change. I've learned that I can adapt to my surroundings eventually, which is reassuring. It means that one day I'll feel at home in Arizona. What is difficult for me is to adapt quickly. I tend to hold on to things and concentrate on the good feelings of the past.The fact that I appreciate these things afterwards isn't a bad thing, it's the fact that it inhibits my ability to appreciate what's happening here. Now. In the present. Don't get me wrong, it's not that I'm ungrateful (at least I don't think I am), but I have the opportunity to relish in the memories I'm making while they are
actually happening. Wouldn't my memories be all that more sweet if I not only was able to look back on them fondly, but if I could experience them to the fullest as well?
Funny I should mention that, because I it just so happens that I have the perfect opportunity to do that here, during one of the biggest changes of my life, and my family's life. So Arizona, get ready. Because sooner, rather than later, I am going to love you. And I am going to love you not only in the past, but in the present too.
